Hey fans! Thanks for all of the encouragement to us about continuing the blog! It was nice to go to the grocery store or shopping in our premier retail store and have someone stop and say, “I miss your stories!” Not a week has gone by that we would not hear from a reader to “get back to it!” What happened? Well………go back to the winter when Lysa and I were in transition, and things just seemed to snowball! Won’t go into a lot of detail here, but as we get back to our stories, I am sure that along the way, we will spill our guts, sharing the highlights of our fascinating lives we have lived since December here in little ole Clayton Place!
Just got back from a cruise with my pals Candice and Lysa. Let me let you in a little secret…….Lysa turned 50 in July and that was the reason for the cruise, to CELEBRATE! The three of us have decided that we are going to write a manual on “budget cruising” as we had this one nailed! Candice found this deal back in January and it was sooooo cheap and we were able to make payments til June so we decided between the three of us, we could manage to clean our change jars out periodically to cover the installments….so what the hell, we made the commitment. (We decided to worry about the overall expense of getting there, during and back, later of course!)
When departure time was about a week away, we started to face reality. We really couldn’t afford to go, but we had managed to pay for our passages, so we had to get creative. Drinking is where they nail you on these trips. If you have not been on a cruise, let me explain how it works, you get these little “sail and sign” cards that are used throughout the trip and they are so easy to flash when the porter passes by with the tray of neon plastic cruise cups filled with syrupy tropical drinks topped with cherries and paper umbrellas…..at the end of the week when it is time to settle up….BAM! Suddenly those drinks don’t seem so good! We didn’t fall into that trap, no sir! We smuggled on board at least 6 bottles of wine and filled our Aquafina water bottles with rum and vodka. Of course, we had to carry on our luggage (Lysa struggled a wee bit, especially trying to juggle a dozen red roses she insisted in carrying along with her bags) . Candice and I would be making good time and we would notice Lysa wasn’t behind us and we would turn around and she would be re-adjusting her luggage and as Candice put it, ” it’s those damn roses!” They must have been pretty special for all the trouble she went to! We think she took them home and made potpourri or some silly shit!
We made it on and off, without incident about the alcohol. However, I didn’t think I was going to make it on board because of my passport (which I had just found two days prior to the trip, go figure?) and it is in my former name of IRENE BYNUM KELLER, and my driver’s license is in my former name IRENE BYNUM SANDS, and Candice booked my passage under my real name IRENE BYNUM. I decided to cover all the bases, so before departing I went to the Real Clayton Place Probate Office and retrieved a certified copy of my marriage license taking me from IBK to IBS so that the cruise line could make the connection between the two names. (Of course, at this time I didn’t realize that I was booked under IB). Man, was that lady at the boarding desk confused or what? She had to call a supervisor to figure out what name I could claim citizenship! It was so simple to me, but she just didn’t get it. I told her we could simplify matters and go by my stage name “Irene” and just drop all the last names like Cher and Madonna, but she didn’t see the humor in that statement! The ladies put their heads together and decided that during the trip, my name would be IRENE KELLER SANDS, and they dropped BYNUM altogether. I told my pals if I died at sea that week, please don’t let them bury me with that name! (No offense, just seemed a little ironic!)
(We almost missed the boat in Key West, thanks to the big pineapple drinks we got in the “Smallest Bar”. Because of those drinks, we didn’t have the money to go visit Anna Nicole’s grave in Nassau as we had planned, BOO HOO! We were the last three on board and they WERE holding the boat for us, literally!)
After the cruise, I got home to Marvelous and our fabulous garden, and that is where the canning comes in!
This basket turned into this…………………………..!!!!!
Nothing really exciting there except I look at all the food I have squirreled away and I know we WILL eat this winter! It is nice to have a SAVINGS ACCOUNT of some sort these days, even if it is perishable! I have to say without sounding corny, I have found a certain contentment with our garden and the whole process of tending to it. Marvelous and I will be out there on a Friday evening picking beans, squash or tomatoes and we will look up and laugh and comment, “if our friends could see us now, who would believe this is how we are spending our Friday nights!” I think it has been a great way to stay out of trouble.
As for the “coasting”, we have some friends, Bill and Pat, that have created the best past time for “coasting” down the river! We have been fortunate enough to be invited to go with these two on several occasions. Let me explain their plan. They have a van named “Maxine” that is their river van and her only purpose is to shuttle people and the tubes and paddles (which they provide, I might add) to the river. We met them at Ingle’s parking lot, the morning of, and every person is issued a 32 oz. insulated drink holder with a straw and the best part is it has a strap that goes around your neck…….this is looking good! We are told to “fill up” in the parking lot and out they pull a cooler full of pre-mixed margaritas on ice! Of course, the drivers to the river do not indulge. Sipping along , we all hop into the vans and head to the end of Warwoman and out Hwy. 28 to the designated drop-off, but we are told as part of the ritual that “we must toast the Burrell Cemetery” as we pass by it. I guess one of them has a family member buried there, and we thought that was very respectful……we unload the vans, get our tubes, (the margarita cooler has it’s own tube!) and we re-fill our sippy cups and launch! We are all given a pack of salted peanuts to open as we take off (like they do in airplanes, get it?) and as we all are on our way, the leader toasts the trip……the usual toast? ”This does not f……g suck!” For the next four to five hours, we had the most fun we have had all summer! Bill and Pat just love doing these trips and all they ask from each participant is a bottle of margarita mixer to use on the next trip! They even had lunch packed for the group! I swear, I have lived here all of my life, but it took two Atlanta natives to teach me how to slow down and “coast” in my own back yard! Thanks Bill and Pat for the inspiration and for making my “coasting” part of the summer so memorable! Lunch is on us the next time we go!
Scenery during the “coasting” I did this summer! Isn’t Clayton Place beautiful?
POSTED BY: ”I’ formerly known as IRENE
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